Intimacy in Christian Marriage

What does the Bible say about intimacy for Christian marriage? Are Christians allowed to have awesome sex lives? Is it right for one spouse to withhold sex from the other and in what situation? Why would Christians still have to work at their relationships if God does really intend them to be blessed by Him? Here's some Biblical marriage advice about these topics. We discuss what one flesh relationship means and how can a couple strive together to accomplish a one flesh marriage? The truth is that God intended for the Christian marriage to be the most blessed but why?

God’s intention for Christian marriage is that we have a relationship that brings Him glory. Christian couples are meant to have the best, most meaningful and fulfilling marriages on the planet! There will always be challenging times in any marriage. Yet, God gives us a divine plan for marriage that unleashes His blessing and grace to walk in victory. Today we will discuss God’s plan for intimacy in the Christian Marriage.

Becoming “one flesh” implies more than sexual intimacy alone. It means that we enjoy an intimacy together that encompasses every area of our lives.  Marriages can only stand to benefit from allowing the “one flesh” principle to apply to every dimension of their walk together as married believers!

Can we pray as we begin that God will minister to our hearts and bless our marriages with His word, His grace, His wisdom, and His love. God give us understanding of Your principles and reveal Your plan for healing and restoration to every couple that comes to this page in Jesus name – Amen!  Let’s jump into scripture.

Today’s Bible verses on marriage:

Genesis 2: 21-25 21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:
      “This is now bone of my bones
      And flesh of my flesh;
      She shall be called Woman,
      Because she was taken out of Man.”

 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Ephesians 5: 22-33 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1Cor 7: 1-6 1Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

In Genesis 2 the Bible shows us that the bond between man and wife is intended to surpass that of the parent child connection. The idea I get here is that we are created beings that need connection with one another. We are born totally dependent on parents to meet every need we have. We grow up and learn independence and how to meet our own needs. We then join to a spouse and learn interdependence and partnership as we continue the cycle of life. This partnership is intended to be the most powerful and deepest form of human connection we become one flesh!  

As we read through chapter three we can learn how fallen nature introduces the workings of shame, guilt, self will, jealousy and even murder into the human heart. We have seen through the history of mankind how the workings of disobedience towards God has destroyed His plan and purpose for what He originally created us to be. Had man and woman never been deceived into falling from grace, we would never have known the “evil” that is out there, but only the goodness of God. Marriages would never have been affected by lust, greed, selfishness, mental or physical illnesses, power struggles, or any of the other workings of the flesh that destroy relationships today!

The good news is that we can experience being restored into His grace and will for our lives through a born again relationship with Jesus Christ. However, we still have to learn how to overcome our fallen nature in order to enjoy the fullness of His plan for our lives and marriages. Intimacy now takes some effort and work as most of us have to overcome some hurdles to learn how to experience intimacy with our spouses as God intends it.

In Ephesians 5 we see once again that God plans for marriages to enjoy a “one flesh” relationship. The verses here describe the love-respect relationship between man and wife and compare the marriage relationship to the relationship between Christ and His church. Christ sacrificed His life for the church. He lives today making continual intercession to God the Father for us. As we learn to understand the idea of one flesh as described here we learn that when we fight against our spouse we fight against one self. When we betray our spouse we betray self, when we show love or goodness to our spouse we are loving and good to self. It is impossible to win or lose a fight over your spouse. Either both win or both lose!

In 1Cor 7: 1-6 we see the one flesh principle applied to the sexual realm of Christian marriage. Verse 3 and 4 tell us that our body belongs to our spouse. This does not constitute marital rape. Remember the verses in Ephesians 5. In fact the writer of this text in 1Cor.7:6 tells us that this is not a commandment it will just make your married life better. The verse in Heb. 13:4 shows us that sex is to be reserved for marriage only. So it is not right or fair to withhold it from your spouse. If one of you do not like sex for any reason then part of intimacy is that spouses learn how to provide a safe arena for discussing and resolving the issues surrounding why.

The implication here is that you are better off if you do not withhold sex from your spouse. Also, it suggests that you will have a better sex life if you engage in sex with the idea of completely pleasing your spouse. If only one spouse is having an orgasm then something needs work! If you are faking rather than teaching your spouse how to please you then you can benefit both of you by learning how to discuss this sensitive issue with your spouse. Imagine both spouses going to bed with the idea of giving rather than receiving. WOW!

Intimacy in the Christian marriage is meant to be the most rewarding type of intimacy possible. Biblical marriage advice provides solutions for every aspect of marriage including sex and intimacy. You are one flesh love your spouse, love yourself, but mostly love God and let His love into your hearts and homes.

Role of Christian Wife

          I've seen Christian wives that wait on their husbands hand and foot, serve him like a king and are expected to cater to his every whim. He's happy as can be but she rarely smiles! Is that what the Bible means when it tells the wife to submit to her husband? I believe God created men and women to have a certain amount of dignity and respect for themselves as well as their spouses. So how does a woman honor herself, her husband and her God in the Christian marriage? And where does she find the strength and the wisdom to know and fulfill her role as the Christian wife in a Biblical marriage?

The Role of Wife in Christian Marriage

          Recently I posted on the role of the Christian husband, how he is responsible for loving his wife even as Christ loves the church. Today as we discuss the role of the Christian wife please keep in mind that the Bible is packed with information about marriage and spousal roles. There are so many Bible verses on marriage that books can be written on them and still not cover it all. With that in mind try to remember that this post is only a small beginning and many more posts on this topic will be made in the future. If you are a husband reading this post so you can show your wife where she falls short then I humbly suggest you read the post on the role of husband instead and begin to learn how to love your wife as Christ loves you. No marriage will ever be fully healed until both spouses learn to stop blaming the other and learn how to forgive and love.

Today’s Bible verses on marriage:

          Genesis 2: 18-25; 18Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." 19(Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said,
 "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."  24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

          What a powerful and profound truth as it relates to the role of a Christian wife! That the Lord God looked at the man and said “Hmmm if I don’t make a helper for him and just leave him to his self it can’t be good!” You see, I don’t believe that God Almighty used trial and error when He created all things. I think He had to let the man name all the animals and see for himself that nothing else out there was good enough to be his help meet. God did that for the man because we by nature just don’t always appreciate what we have. And when a couple gets the revelation from God that she is created as God’s gift to the man to keep him from destroying himself and everything around him then we can start to move forward in our marriages.

          You may not realize it, your husband may not yet realize it but woman you are God’s gift to man and without you we get even more messed up than you could imagine. There are many who have trouble with the idea that woman was created for the man and that is because men have abused and misunderstood the meaning of this idea. When a man really, truly gets the idea that God the heavenly Father, and creator of all things made you for him, he will love you and treat you like the wonderful blessing that you are! He will honor you, protect you, respect you, take care of you, guard you, live for, fight for, and die for you! And you will never have to ask him to! Well okay, you may have to show him how a little bit but he will want to! So the first step for you is tap into God’s grace and wisdom for your life let Him show you how to be who He calls you to be. But how?

Proverbs 31: 10-31; 10 Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.
       11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.
       12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
       13 She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.
       14 She is like the merchant ships she brings her food from afar.
       15 She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants.
       16 She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.
       17 She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.
       18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.
       19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.
       20 She extends her hand to the poor yes she reaches out her hands to the needy.
       21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.
       22 She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
       23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.
       24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.

 25 Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.
       26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
       27 She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
       28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
       29 “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”
       30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
       31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.

          This passage teaches us that a virtuous wife blesses her family in many ways but that she does all these things through the strength and wisdom of God and through knowing the purpose that God has given her. The key point to note here is that these things become an outflow of her relationship with God and are not viewed as ways to earn or work her way to greater recognition or Godly behavior. There is no greater beauty or strength than that which comes from developing and maintaining a living relationship with God our creator. The result again is that her husband and children call her blessed and praise her.

Ephesians 5: 21-33; 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.    
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

          This passage of scripture is often misused by husbands and male ministers to convince women that God wants them to live in a subjective role that gives the husband an unfair or even ungodly power advantage over the wife. It is super important to note that this scripture places more importance on the husband’s role to love his wife and give him self for her than it does to the wife being submissive! Really this is talking about having honor and respect for the husband but even in verse 21 the scripture tells all Christians to submit to one another! However, there is great wisdom in showing honor and respect to your spouse when in times of disagreement and that means allowing the husband leadership as the spiritual covering of the home. Husbands, your wives will be more likely to give you leadership when they know that you love them and will not consider putting them in harms way or neglect your family’s needs. God’s wisdom is found here in that love and submission are counterbalances one for the other.

Colossians 3: 16-25;  16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.   
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.

          Again we see the submission and love mentioned together. But the real power of this scripture is finding God’s wisdom through His word and in doing all things as unto the Lord and not as to men! As we let God inspire us to fulfill our roles in Christian marriage and as we let His word teach us to be the husband or wife He calls us to be we can tap into His grace and power to not only keep us together but release His blessing in our marriages. May His peace and love prevail in your home today!

Role of Christian Husband

          What does the Bible teach us about roles in marriage? Does the husband have a specific role to fulfill? Here we look at several Bible verses related to marriage and pull out God’s intention for how the husband is called to treat his wife. What does one flesh mean? How does Christ love the church? And what does it all mean for the husbands responsibility to his wife? By learning how God has designed your role and how to fill it you can see your wife flourish into the virtuous woman called her to be as well!

The Role of Husband in Christian Marriage

          For many years I have watched husbands unintentionally, devalue their wives; leaning heavily on scriptures showing the wife’s responsibility to “submit to the husband” while they either ignored, or lightly brushed over, the husband’s call “to love his wife.” These are husbands who have treated their wives as “less than” rather than equals-with important roles, too. Needless to say their wives become depressed, lonely, had migraine headaches and possibly only smile at church. In reality this is far from God’s plan for the Christian marriage. God in no way desires for His people to live in such misery. Let’s now begin to look at what the Bible teaches husbands to be for their wives. As a man learns to value his wife as God’s gift to him and allows God to perfect his love in the marriage, God will raise you both up into the wonderful destiny that he has planned for your marriage.

Today’s Bible verses on marriage:

Genesis 2:23-25

Proverbs 18:22

Malachi 2:14-15

Mark 10:4-9

Ephesians 5:22-31

          In Gen. 2:22-25 and Prov.18:22 we see that the wife is God’s gift to man! I know it doesn’t always feel that way, in fact sometimes you may feel the exact opposite. When there is strife in a marriage it can be hard to believe that the person you are married to is there to bless you. But God’s intention is that both spouses bless and complete each other. And as both spouses learn how to work God’s plan out for your marriage the multiple blessings which God has for marriage will begin to unfold. Today as we look at the foundations for the husband’s role in the Christian marriage we will begin to see that by loving your wife you will appeal to the virtuous woman inside her and help bring it out of her. She is God’s gift to you whether you feel like it right now or not. Remember why you married her?

          Let’s look closer at Gen: 2 we see that God intended to make a companion for Adam that completed him and we see that God made her from the rib of Adam. The spiritual truth here is that husband and wife become one. Let’s look at the verses in Eph: 5 as this principle is applied to marriage.

          Verse 21 tells us to submit one to another as Christians. So, in vs. 22 where the scripture says “wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord,” it is not totally a one sided commandment! Actually, husband is to submit to the Lord and wife to the husband accordingly. We see further evidence of this as we continue to read the chapter.

          Verse 25 tells the husband to love his wife even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her! When a husband shows his wife the kind of love Christ gave the church she will honor him as a natural result. How does Christ love his church? He laid down his life for it! Romans 5:8 and 8:35 tell us that while we were yet sinners Christ demonstrated His love by dying for us, and that nothing should separate us from that love. The husband is called to demonstrate his love to his wife regardless of how he views her performance. He demonstrates that love when he gives of himself toward her on a regular and consistent basis. When she is confident that her husband loves her with God’s love she will respect and honor her husband.

          Verses 28 - 33 discuss the one flesh principle of marriage even more. What a powerful thought that we love ourselves by loving our spouse! As we embrace the idea that we become one it can revolutionize any marriage. We would not harm ourselves if we care about whom we are at all, we would only do good to our own body. When a husband shames his wife, he shames himself. When he insults her, he insults himself. When he yells or argues with her, he is fighting against himself. When he blesses her, he blesses himself. I think you get the point! She is God’s gift to you and by meeting her needs, you meet your own as well. Until next time and may love prevail in your homes!

          This article discusses the foundation of marriage as we see it recorded in the first marriage in the Bible. We learn God's intentions for husband and wife in the forming of marriage union that is not meant to be broken. However we also begin to look at God's plan for marriage to be something we are happy to have not something to feel trapped in. This is a foundational article and I plan to write several more building from it and unfolding God's plan for marriage!

Foundations for Biblical Marriage

         Gen2:23-24 And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones flesh of my flesh she shall be called woman… therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. 
          In this passage we see the biblical foundation for marriage begin to be laid out. The principal of a man leaving his parents and cleaving to his wife shows that once marital union is formed between man and woman no outside force shall come between them. Throughout the Bible we see numerous scriptures that relate to honoring and respecting our parents. I don’t therefore believe that this scripture means we totally forsake our parents nor does it mean we cut them from our lives. Rather, it means that once a man has been raised he is to become the leader of his home alongside of his wife. It suggests that your marriage is to become your new primary relationship. The marriage relationship takes precedence over every other relationship you have. Why?

          The reason is because only between husband and wife do the two become one flesh. What does this mean? Some say this refers to sexual union, that it means we can finally have sexual relations. It does include that but becoming one flesh encompasses much, much more. God’s plan for marriage is to bring the couple into a union that is so intimate that you actually are one. This is not to say that you are no longer the individual that God created you to be. Rather it is God’s wonderful plan for perfecting His unconditional love between two people! Our differences are then seen as a way of complementing and fulfilling one another. Two unique individuals become halves of one marriage relationship.

          God looked at Adam and said it is not good for the man to be alone and so God made a help meet for him. This does not mean that woman is of lesser importance than man. In fact it means that without woman man would not do well. If we consider the root meaning of the words help meet we see that the same word is used twice. It is the word for aid, help or assistance in the context of being a hedge or boundary surrounding the man. In other words God looked at the man and said it is not good that he is left alone I will make a partner for him to keep him from destroying himself. (:=)

          Marriage is under assault today possibly more then ever. Divorce has become just as normal as the next thing. We all have been touched in some way by divorce. In Mt. 19:4-6 Jesus refers to Gen. 2:23-24 and adds that they are no longer twain but one flesh. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. (Divide)  While we know God’s word teaches that divorce is only allowable when adultery has occurred we must also know that God does not intend marriage to be a miserable trap. On the contrary the Bible makes it quite clear that marriage is designed to bring fulfillment and enrichment to your life. He13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled” Pr18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the lord.” And Pr31:28 “Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her.”

          Today we looked at the first marriage in the Bible that it was ordained of God and not to be separated. Biblical marriage when carried out according to God’s master plan is intended to be blessed by longevity and a joy that can only come from experiencing God’s unconditional love. Come back soon as we journey through the Bible and discover God’s full plan for the husband and the wife to enter into and keep marital bliss.